Breaking the silence on infertility

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage." That was not my story.  I decided to become a foster parent because I wanted a family, and I wanted to make a difference. I believed that when it was time for me to conceive children, it would happen. However, it never happened. It wasn't until after I decided to adopt my twin boys, that I discovered that I was unable to produce children. 

 
In 2017, I was officially diagnosed with Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. It was the main cause for my infertility.  Infertility made me feel useless. I found myself asking questions. 'What did I do wrong?" "Is God mad at me?" "Why me?" I felt as if I lost a sense of myself. I questioned my purpose in life. Like me, and I'm sure many other women, that pregnancy test can make or break you. It is daunting. I struggled with depression, isolation, and self-worth. Infertility is difficult to explain-sometimes I couldn't find the words to express how it made me feel. In return, I rarely talked about it. I chose to internalize my feelings and suffer in silence. I felt like no one understood and I was the only one experiencing infertility.

 
My dear friends. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone. There is trusted support. You no longer have to suffer in silence. You have an opportunity to speak about your journey with infertility.  

 
My purpose/your purpose is more than birthing children. God's plan is bigger than our finite minds could imagine. God called me to parent through adoption (Your calling may be different). That's a higher calling. It's learning to love outside of yourself. It's learning to love you first and sharing how God's grace carried you through those difficult moments. Infertility no longer defines me. There is a purpose in our pain!

I look forward to working with you. 

Ireka